Reports are that the Australian Sporting Anti-Doping Authority ASADA now has BTC in their sights. Irregularities in AFL and NRL are said to be nothing compared to the emerging scandal in Royal Tennis. We know there is a culture of performance enhancement … we have all seen the Powerade in the bar and the coagulated green stuff in milk bottles in the fridge. I get offers of pills for better performance every day over the internet … so someone clearly knows I need it. Distressed by the dope culture, Club President Rod Unmack has pleaded we return to our core values … James Boag Premium Lager and Sauvignon Blanc

Mens Doubles 1

Maybe we actually need better drugs than that coagulated stuff in the milk bottle …since we can’t even beat Sydney who don’t have a court and practice on their i-phones.  However I’ve digressed and in further damning evidence of club problems … the peptide–addled Club Pro Brett McFarlane has programmed the 2012 Men’s Doubles in the wrong year 2013.

Group A: Ben Faull/Nathan Baker 3/24 wins from Rod Unmack/Mick Fenelon2/20, Peter Dunn/Rob Jolly 1/15, Robert Lagerberg/Stuart Strange 0/8

Group B: Tim Lamont/Alex Strange 3/22 wins from Steve McArdle/David Hay 3/20, Malcolm Rogers/Mike Whitehead 0/6

Group C: Tony Cree/Charlie Cree 3/24 wins from Matthew Dunn/John Zulic 2/23, Quinton Wilkinson/Jim Stephen 0/8, Phil Roberts/Richie Robinson 0/6

Finals: Tim Lamont/Alex Strange 2/16 wins from Ben Faull/Nathan Baker 1/13, Tony Cree/Charlie Cree 0/6]

Mens Doubles 2

Now if ASADA is looking for evidence for the use of performance enhancing substances they should interview Tony Cree. His training programme consists of adjusting his footstool at the Melbourne Club … yet he and Charlie win 3 sets and then play a finals series all on a Sunday afternoon. Whatever he’s on we need that for Sydney. Well done also Ben Faull and Nathan Baker who win the first group … no strange supplements just talent in their cases.

But it is actually a good news story. No-one thinks Tim Lamont is brewing up peptides and Alex Strange hasn’t studied it in science at school yet. They win their group and cruise to a finals win. I would think that’s a first appearance on the honour boards for both of them and we are all very pleased to see that. Congratulations Men’s Handicap Doubles Champions.

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